God hates fresh vegetables

I'm not a superstitious person; in fact I think of myself as quite the skeptic. When the mole started digging in my garden I took it simply as a problem to be solved. Indeed, I eventually rooted out the pernicious insectivore. Then several days of rain and cold temperatures killed off the seeds. This too I took in stride. I replanted.

At this time I conceived the notion that my horticultural endeavors were not smiled upon by a higher power. Should I not have done my planting on a Sunday? Nonsense, fancy and jest! I am a man of reason and a pragmatist(as any farmer must be). The weather soon improved and the crops grew heartily, more or less. I felt vindicated.

Little did I know that this reprieve was merely prelude to my ultimate downfall.



That is a tree. That is the garden under it. A mighty wind rose up today and toppled this old hickory, crushing my produce and with it my hopes and dreams. Against such forces, what can I do but rage, rage gainst this cruel mystery which toys with me so?

A case study: Social idiotry in 23 year old idiot. You idiot.

'So I don't know I guess when someone says "tenth" to me, I hear "twentieth", and I continue to think "twenty" even when I have a piece of card right in front of me that quite clearly, now that I inspect it closely and it is too late to do anything about it, reads "ten".'

The above quote was written by the subject of this case study. His specific condition is as of yet unnamed. Some descriptors have been suggested which aptly portray the patient's condition, but they are all unfit for publication here due to coarse language.

This patient has deficiencies performing simple tasks such as being at a certain place at a certain time, maintaining communication, keeping promises, and other life skills collectively known as "being a friend" and "not being a screwup".

Treatment: We ordered the patient to cease all further attempts at social interaction. We feel that the patient is doomed to fail and frankly, does not deserve the attentions of those good, decent people who might tolerate the patient's constant foolishness, inefficacy, and self-destructive behaviour. The patient was advised that if he should feel lonely, the resulting social void could be satisfactorily filled by lower life forms such as animals, plants, and people met through the internet.

Prognosis: Don't be silly.