Man, it really sucks to be on the receiving end of my parent's big talks. My sister got one today. I hid in my room the whole time (me being there would not have helped)and I got a little shook up just out of sympathy. I eavesdropped a little but I couldn't stand to listen for long.
It's hard to explain why the talks are so bad. There's certainly a lot of guilt involved. Disappointing my parents is one of my deepest fears. But the worst part is the questions--the "what are you going to do if..." queries that sound like rhetorical questions--except you'd better have a good answer ready. If you don't you'll be cut down with doubt and more guilt. The implication is that you're not ready to make decisions for yourself. That's crippling. If they ever had some good advice to give it would be different, but they don't. It's just doubt and belittlement.
Oh, and dad, the repeated death threats against her boyfriend do not help. That is the stupidest thing you could say in that situation. I'm not crazy about the guy either. He came over for a few hours last night and didn't have the balls to broach the subject. Nobody brought it up. We watched TV.
When you're 27 years old you should be past the point where you have to answer to your parents. Maybe this force her to change her life. She says she's prepared to move out if she has the baby and that would be a great start. She needs to grow up. After all, she apparently kept this secret for some months. Does that sound like what a teenager would do? Well, that's what happens when you treat a person like a child. Twenty-seven! She's an adult. They shouldn't even have to have this conversation. She should make her decisions and then tell us what she's going to do.
I'm not going to let it happen to me again. I'm taking responsibility for everything I do and I'm not answering to anybody if I don't have to. Please parents, don't micromanage your kids' lives. They won't grow up.
*(The weird thing is, I somehow sensed that she was pregnant a few weeks before I was told. Of course, I thought It was my imagination. When my mom told me I barely reacted. It was like I already knew. In the days that followed nobody mentioned it and I felt like I had imagined the whole thing. The blog post I made later that day was my best evidence that it was real.)
It's hard to explain why the talks are so bad. There's certainly a lot of guilt involved. Disappointing my parents is one of my deepest fears. But the worst part is the questions--the "what are you going to do if..." queries that sound like rhetorical questions--except you'd better have a good answer ready. If you don't you'll be cut down with doubt and more guilt. The implication is that you're not ready to make decisions for yourself. That's crippling. If they ever had some good advice to give it would be different, but they don't. It's just doubt and belittlement.
Oh, and dad, the repeated death threats against her boyfriend do not help. That is the stupidest thing you could say in that situation. I'm not crazy about the guy either. He came over for a few hours last night and didn't have the balls to broach the subject. Nobody brought it up. We watched TV.
When you're 27 years old you should be past the point where you have to answer to your parents. Maybe this force her to change her life. She says she's prepared to move out if she has the baby and that would be a great start. She needs to grow up. After all, she apparently kept this secret for some months. Does that sound like what a teenager would do? Well, that's what happens when you treat a person like a child. Twenty-seven! She's an adult. They shouldn't even have to have this conversation. She should make her decisions and then tell us what she's going to do.
I'm not going to let it happen to me again. I'm taking responsibility for everything I do and I'm not answering to anybody if I don't have to. Please parents, don't micromanage your kids' lives. They won't grow up.
*(The weird thing is, I somehow sensed that she was pregnant a few weeks before I was told. Of course, I thought It was my imagination. When my mom told me I barely reacted. It was like I already knew. In the days that followed nobody mentioned it and I felt like I had imagined the whole thing. The blog post I made later that day was my best evidence that it was real.)
posted by Textual Harassment at 5:56 PM
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